The Power of Exhaling: Why the Out-Breath Is Your Nervous System's Reset Button

We've all been told to "take a deep breath" when we're anxious, stressed, or overwhelmed. It's well-meaning advice—but here's what most people don't realise: it's not the inhale that calms you down. It's the exhale.

That long, slow out-breath you've probably never paid much attention to? It's actually one of the most powerful tools you have for turning off your body's stress response and switching on your rest-and-recovery mode.

As an anxiety therapist, I teach breathing techniques to almost every client I work with—children, teens, and adults. Not because it's trendy, but because it's one of the few ways we can directly communicate with our nervous system and tell it: "We're safe. You can stand down now."

Let me explain what's actually happening in your body when you exhale—and how you can use this knowledge to manage anxiety, stress, and overwhelm far more effectively.

Your Nervous System: A Quick (Friendly) Science Lesson

Your autonomic nervous system runs in the background of your life, managing things you don't consciously control: heart rate, digestion, breathing, blood pressure. It has two main branches:

1. The Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS): Your Accelerator

This is your "fight or flight" system. When your brain perceives a threat (real or imagined), the SNS kicks in. Your heart rate increases, your breathing gets faster and shallower, your muscles tense, and your body prepares to either fight the danger or run from it.

This response is brilliant when you're facing actual danger—a car swerving toward you, a dog lunging at you. But for most of us, the SNS gets activated by non-life-threatening stressors: a difficult email, social anxiety, worry about the future, overwhelm from too many demands.

The problem is, your body can't tell the difference between a genuine threat and a perceived one. So your SNS activates the same way whether you're being chased by a bear or sitting in a meeting feeling judged.

2. The Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS): Your Brake

This is your "rest and digest" system. When the PNS is in charge, your heart rate slows, your breathing deepens, your muscles relax, and your body focuses on recovery, digestion, and repair.

You need the PNS to be active in order to feel calm, safe, and able to rest. But when you're anxious or stressed, your SNS dominates—and your PNS can't do its job.

Here's Where Breathing (Specifically, Exhaling) Comes In

Your breath is the bridge between your conscious and unconscious systems. You breathe automatically, but you can also control it consciously. That makes it one of the only direct lines of communication you have with your autonomic nervous system.

And here's the key: the length of your exhale determines which system is in control.

The Science of the Exhale

When you inhale, you activate your sympathetic nervous system slightly. Your heart rate increases a tiny bit. This is normal and natural.

When you exhale, you activate your parasympathetic nervous system. Your heart rate decreases. Your body receives the signal: "Threat over. Safe to relax now."

Here's the powerful part: when your exhale is longer than your inhale, you send a strong signal to your nervous system that it's safe to switch off fight-or-flight mode and turn on rest-and-digest mode.

It's not magic. It's biology. A longer exhale stimulates the vagus nerve—the main nerve of your parasympathetic system—which runs from your brain down through your chest and abdomen. When the vagus nerve is activated, it tells your body: "You're safe. Stand down. We can rest now."

Why This Matters for Anxiety

When you're anxious, your breathing automatically becomes faster and shallower. You're taking quick inhales and barely exhaling. This keeps your sympathetic system activated—which keeps you feeling anxious. It's a feedback loop.

But when you consciously lengthen your exhale, you interrupt that loop. You're telling your nervous system: "Actually, we're not in danger. It's safe to calm down."

You're not trying to think your way out of anxiety. You're physiologically shifting your nervous system state. That's why breathwork is so effective—it works at the level where anxiety actually lives: in your body.

A Breathwork Technique to Try: 4-7-8 Breathing

This is one of my favourite techniques for calming the nervous system quickly. It's simple, effective, and you can do it anywhere—at your desk, in bed, before a difficult conversation, during a panic attack.

It was developed by Dr. Andrew Weil, and it's specifically designed to activate your parasympathetic nervous system through that longer exhale.

How to Do 4-7-8 Breathing:

1. Find a comfortable position. Sitting or lying down both work. Close your eyes if that feels comfortable, or soften your gaze.

2. Exhale completely through your mouth, making a "whoosh" sound. Get all the air out.

3. Close your mouth and inhale quietly through your nose for a count of 4.

4. Hold your breath for a count of 7.

5. Exhale completely through your mouth for a count of 8, making that "whoosh" sound again.

6. Repeat the cycle 3-4 times.

   
   

Why It Works:

• The exhale is twice as long as the inhale (8 vs. 4), which strongly activates your parasympathetic system.

• The hold gives your body time to absorb oxygen and creates a slight build-up of carbon dioxide, which paradoxically helps you feel calmer (CO2 tolerance is linked to reduced anxiety).

• The rhythm gives your mind something to focus on, which interrupts anxious thought spirals.

  
  

When to Use It:

• When you feel anxiety rising

• Before bed if your mind is racing

• After a stressful event to help your nervous system come back down

• During a panic attack (it won't stop it immediately, but it can help reduce intensity)

• Anytime you notice your breathing has become fast and shallow

You won't feel instant calm the first time (though some people do). But with regular practice, your body learns this pattern means safety, and the response gets faster and stronger.

For Parents: How This Helps Children and Teens Too

The beautiful thing about breathwork? It works for young people just as effectively as it does for adults. In fact, teaching children and teens how to regulate their nervous systems through breathing is one of the most valuable skills they can learn.

Why Breathing Techniques Matter for Young People:

Children and teenagers experience anxiety, stress, and overwhelm just like adults do—but they often don't have the language or tools to manage it. They might not be able to articulate "I'm feeling anxious," but their body is responding: faster heartbeat, shallow breathing, tense muscles, racing thoughts.

Teaching them breathwork gives them: ✅ A tool they can use independently (empowering!)✅ A way to calm down that doesn't require talking about feelings (helpful for kids who shut down when asked "what's wrong?")✅ A physiological reset button they can access anytime, anywhere✅ Evidence that they can influence how they feel (which builds confidence and reduces helplessness)

Box Breathing: A Technique Perfect for Kids and Teens

Box breathing (also called square breathing) is brilliant for young people because it's simple, visual, and easy to remember. Many children and teens find the equal counts soothing and the "box" visual helps them focus.

How to Teach Box Breathing:

1. Explain the concept: "We're going to breathe in a square shape. Each side of the square is the same length—4 counts."

2. You can draw a box on paper or in the air with your finger, or have them visualise one. Some kids like to trace a square on their hand or on a table.

3. The pattern:

   • Breathe IN through your nose for 4 counts (trace up the first side of the box)

   • HOLD your breath for 4 counts (trace across the top)

   • Breathe OUT through your mouth or nose for 4 counts (trace down the other side)

   • HOLD empty for 4 counts (trace across the bottom)

   • Repeat 4-5 times

4. Make it engaging: You can have younger children trace a real square (a book, a window, a picture frame) with their finger while they breathe. Teens might prefer to close their eyes and visualise the box, or count on their fingers.

   
   

Why Box Breathing Works for Young People:

• The equal timing (4-4-4-4) is easier to remember than more complex patterns

• The visual element (the box) gives their mind something concrete to focus on

• It's not "babyish"—even teens and adults use this technique (athletes, military personnel, performers)

• It genuinely works—the exhale and holds activate the parasympathetic nervous system

  
  

When Kids and Teens Can Use It:

• Before tests or presentations at school

• When feeling overwhelmed by homework or social situations

• At bedtime if they're struggling to settle (lying in bed, they can trace an imaginary box on the ceiling)

• After an argument or upsetting event

• During moments of anger or frustration (helps them regulate before reacting)

• Before sports performance or any situation where they feel pressure

Pro tip for parents: Practice this with your child when they're calm, not just when they're upset. That way, it becomes a familiar tool they can access when they need it. And doing it together shows them you're on their team.

The Bigger Picture: Why This Matters

Learning to regulate your nervous system through your breath isn't just about "calming down in the moment" (though that's valuable). It's about reclaiming agency over your internal experience.

So much of anxiety feels out of control—thoughts racing, heart pounding, panic rising. But your breath? That's something you can control. And through your breath, you can influence your nervous system, your heart rate, your stress response.

That's powerful. Especially for children and teens who often feel powerless in the face of big emotions.

This isn't about "just breathe and everything will be fine." Breathwork isn't a cure-all. If you're dealing with chronic anxiety, trauma, or overwhelming stress, breathing techniques are one tool in a larger toolkit—they help in the moment, but they don't address root causes.

But they do give you a way to turn down the volume on your stress response so that you can think more clearly, feel more grounded, and access the other tools and support you need.

Want to Learn More?

If you or your child are struggling with anxiety, stress, or overwhelm—and you'd like support that goes beyond breathing techniques to address what's actually driving the anxiety—I'd love to help.

I work with children, teens, and adults, using evidence-based approaches like CBT, imagination therapy, and nervous system regulation to help people understand their anxiety, build practical tools, and create lasting change.

Breathing techniques are just one piece of the work we'd do together. We'd also explore:

• What's triggering your (or your child's) anxiety

• The beliefs and patterns keeping it in place

• How to build capacity for the things that feel overwhelming right now

• Personalised strategies that actually fit your life

Ready to take the next step? Fill in my enquiry form and let's have a conversation about how I can support you or your child.

You don't have to navigate this alone. Better is possible—and it starts with understanding what's really going on and getting the right support.