When Your Child Can't Stop Worrying: Understanding Excessive Worry in Children and Teens

All children worry sometimes. It's a normal part of growing up.

Your six-year-old worries about monsters under the bed. Your ten-year-old worries about an upcoming test. Your teenager worries about what their friends think of them. These moments of worry are completely developmentally appropriate—they're part of how children learn to navigate challenges and uncertainties in the world.

But sometimes, worry becomes more than occasional. It becomes constant, consuming, and overwhelming. It starts to interfere with sleep, school, friendships, and family life. Your child seems to live in a state of "what if," and no amount of reassurance seems to help.

If this sounds familiar, this post is for you. Let's talk about when worry crosses the line from normal to excessive in children and teens—and what you can actually do to help.

When Worry Is Normal in Children and Teens

First, let's acknowledge: worry is a normal part of childhood development.

Young children might worry about:

• Separation from parents

• The dark or imaginary threats (monsters, burglars)

• Getting things "right" or pleasing adults

• New situations or changes in routine

  
  

Older children and teens might worry about:

• Academic performance and tests

• Friendships and social acceptance

• Their changing bodies

• Family issues or world events

• Their future

  
  

This is all developmentally appropriate. Children are learning about the world, developing their sense of safety, and figuring out how to navigate challenges. Some worry comes with that territory.

Worry becomes a problem when it's excessive, persistent, and interfering with your child's ability to function and enjoy their life.

When Worry Becomes Excessive: Signs to Watch For

Excessive worry in children and young people might show up as:

✗ Constant "what if" questions: "What if I fail? What if you don't come back? What if something bad happens?" These questions might come in waves throughout the day and no amount of reassurance seems to settle them.

✗ Physical complaints: Frequent tummy aches, headaches, feeling sick—especially before school, activities, or new situations. These are often medically unexplained but genuinely felt.

✗ Sleep difficulties: Trouble falling asleep, nightmares, needing repeated reassurance at bedtime, or waking frequently during the night.

✗ Clinginess or separation anxiety that's unusual for their age or stage of development.

✗ Perfectionism: Intense fear of making mistakes, needing everything to be "just right," or becoming very distressed over small errors.

✗ Avoidance: Refusing to go to school, avoiding social situations, not wanting to try new things, backing out of activities they used to enjoy.

✗ Irritability or meltdowns that seem disproportionate to the situation. Often this is because they're emotionally overwhelmed by worry.

✗ Difficulty concentrating at school or on homework because intrusive worries keep pulling their attention away.

It's important to note: children and teens don't always have the language to say "I'm worried." Instead, they show it through behaviour, physical symptoms, or withdrawal. If you're seeing these patterns regularly and they're impacting your child's wellbeing or daily functioning, it's worth addressing.

The Well-Meaning But Unhelpful Advice You Might Hear (or Give)

When your child is struggling with excessive worry, you've probably tried (or been told to try) some version of these approaches:

"There's nothing to worry about. You're fine."This dismisses their experience. To them, the worry feels very real. Telling them there's nothing to worry about can make them feel unheard or misunderstood.

"You're being silly / dramatic."This adds shame to their worry. Now they feel anxious and bad about feeling anxious.

"Just stop thinking about it."Children can't "just stop" worrying any more than adults can. This advice doesn't give them tools—it just makes them feel like they're failing.

"Everything will be okay."Reassurance feels helpful in the moment, but it often backfires. Your child learns to rely on external reassurance rather than developing their own internal capacity to tolerate uncertainty. And the worry usually returns shortly after.

"They're just attention-seeking" or "They'll grow out of it."While some worry is developmentally normal, excessive worry doesn't just disappear with age. Dismissing it can make children feel their struggles aren't valid—and untreated childhood anxiety often continues into adolescence and adulthood.

These responses usually come from a place of love and a desire to help. But they miss what your child actually needs: validation, tools, and support to understand and manage their worry.

What Actually Helps: The Worry Circles Technique

If your child is caught in excessive worry, here's a practical, visual tool that can help them distinguish between what they can control and what they can't—a crucial skill for managing anxiety.

The Worry Circles: What I Can Control vs. What I Can't Control

Children and teens often worry about things that are completely outside their control (what others think, whether something bad will happen, future events). This keeps them feeling helpless and anxious. The Worry Circles technique helps them see what they can influence—which restores a sense of agency and reduces overwhelm.

How to do it:

1. Draw two circles on a piece of paper. One labeled "Things I Can Control" and one labeled "Things I Can't Control." (You can make this more engaging for younger children by using different colours, stickers, or having them decorate the circles.)

2. Talk through the worries with your child. Ask gently: "What are you worried about right now?" or "What's been on your mind lately?" List them all out without judgment. Don't dismiss anything, even if it seems small to you.

3. Sort the worries into circles together. For each worry, ask: "Is this something you have control over, or is it outside your control?" Let them decide where each worry goes. Sometimes they'll need gentle guidance, but avoid just telling them—help them think it through.

   
   

Examples:

Things I CAN control:

• How much I study for my test

• Being kind to my friends

• Asking for help when I need it

• What time I go to bed

• Practicing my [sport/instrument/skill]

• What I say and do

• How I treat others

  
  

Things I CAN'T control:

• What my teacher thinks of me

• Whether my friends like me

• If something bad happens in the world

• What grade I get (after I've done my best)

• Other people's reactions or feelings

• The weather

• What happened in the past

  
  

• Focus on the "Can Control" circle. Ask: "What's one small thing from this circle you could do today?" This shifts them from helpless worrying to empowered action. Even tiny actions ("I can tidy my desk," "I can ask Mum for a hug") help them feel less stuck.

• Acknowledge the "Can't Control" circle with compassion. Say something like: "I know it's hard when we can't control these things. It makes sense that you're worried. But spending lots of energy worrying about them won't change them—it just makes you feel worse. Let's focus on what you can do."

• Keep the circles somewhere visible (on the fridge, in their room, in their school bag) so they can refer back when worries arise. You might even revisit them weekly to update or add new worries as they come up.

  
  

Why this works:

It gives children a concrete, visual way to understand that not all worries are equal. Some require action; some require acceptance. When they can identify what's within their control, they feel less powerless. And when they can name what's outside their control, they can start to practice letting go (with your support).

This doesn't eliminate worry, but it reduces the mental overwhelm and teaches a lifelong skill: focusing energy where it can actually make a difference.

Bonus tip: Model this yourself. Talk about your own worries occasionally and how you decide what to focus on: "I was worried about the car needing repairs, but I realised worrying won't fix it. So I'm going to book it in and then let it go." Kids learn as much from watching us manage worry as they do from direct teaching.

When to Seek Additional Support

The Worry Circles technique can be genuinely helpful. But if your child is experiencing excessive worry that's significantly interfering with daily life, it might be time to consider therapeutic support.

Consider reaching out if:

• Worry is leading to school refusal or avoidance of activities they used to enjoy

• Physical symptoms (tummy aches, headaches) are frequent and have been medically checked with no physical cause found

• Sleep is significantly disrupted over a prolonged period

• They're experiencing frequent meltdowns, withdrawal, or intense distress

• The worry is impacting their development, friendships, academic progress, or family life

• You've tried strategies at home and things aren't improving

  
  

Therapy for childhood worry and anxiety isn't about eliminating all worry (that's not realistic or even desirable). It's about helping your child understand what's happening in their mind and body, building tools to manage worry, and addressing any underlying patterns or experiences that are fuelling the excessive anxiety.

Early intervention can make a significant difference. When worry is addressed in childhood, we can prevent it from becoming an entrenched pattern that follows them into adolescence and adulthood.

You Don't Have to Navigate This Alone

If you've read this and recognized your child in the descriptions of excessive worry, I want you to know: your child isn't being difficult, and you're not failing as a parent.

Excessive worry in children is often their nervous system trying to protect them from perceived threats—sometimes based on temperament, sometimes on experiences, sometimes on what they've absorbed from the world around them. It makes sense that it's happening—and it can be addressed with the right support.

I use evidence-based approaches like CBT, imagination therapy, and practical, age-appropriate techniques to help young people understand their worry, build resilience, and feel more confident navigating life's uncertainties.

If you'd like to talk about how I might be able to support your child, I'd be honoured to hear from you.

You can fill in my enquiry form here, and we can have an initial conversation about what's happening for your child and how therapy might help.

You don't have to keep navigating this alone. Your child can feel better—and it starts with reaching out.