When Worry Won't Stop: Understanding Excessive Worry and What Actually Helps
- Liz Calley
- Dec 3
- 5 min read
We all worry. It's part of being human.
You worry about being late for an appointment, about how a difficult conversation will go, about whether you remembered to lock the door. At this time of year, many of us worry about the logistics and perhaps financial implications of the festive season. These moments of worry are completely normal—they're your brain's way of preparing for potential challenges and keeping you alert to things that matter.
But sometimes, worry stops being an occasional visitor and becomes a constant companion. It stops being about specific, solvable problems and becomes a relentless mental loop that drains your energy, disrupts your sleep, and makes it hard to enjoy the present moment.
If you've ever felt like your mind won't shut off, this post is for you. Let's talk about the difference between normal worry and excessive worry—and what you can actually do about it.
When Worry Is Normal (and Even Helpful)
Let's start here: worry isn't the enemy.
Normal worry serves a purpose. It:
Motivates you to prepare (studying for an exam, planning for a meeting)
Alerts you to genuine problems that need solving (a health concern, a relationship issue)
Helps you anticipate consequences and make thoughtful decisions
Is temporary—it eases once the situation is resolved or you take action
This kind of worry is proportionate, time-limited, and often productive. It nudges you into action and then quietens down.
When Worry Becomes Excessive: Signs to Watch For
Excessive worry is different. It's disproportionate, persistent, and exhausting.
It often looks like:
✗ Worrying about multiple things at once, often jumping from one concern to another without resolution
✗ Catastrophic thinking: your mind automatically goes to worst-case scenarios ("What if I lose my job? What if something happens to my family? What if I can't cope?")
✗ Physical symptoms: muscle tension, headaches, stomach issues, fatigue, difficulty sleeping
✗ Constant mental chatter: your brain feels like it never switches off
✗ Difficulty concentrating: the worry intrudes on your ability to focus on work, conversations, or activities
✗ Avoidance: you start avoiding situations that trigger worry (social events, making decisions, trying new things)
✗ Reassurance-seeking: you repeatedly ask others if things will be okay, but their reassurance doesn't actually ease the worry
✗ Feeling on edge or irritable most days
If worry is taking up hours of your day, preventing you from sleeping, or making it hard to function in your relationships or work, it's moved beyond "normal" into excessive territory.
The Well-Meaning But Unhelpful Advice You've Probably Heard
When you're struggling with excessive worry, you've probably heard some version of these well-intentioned but ultimately unhelpful suggestions:
"Just don't think about it."If only it were that simple. Worry isn't a voluntary process you can just switch off. Telling someone not to worry is like telling someone with a fever not to be hot—it misunderstands what's happening.
"You're overthinking it."Yes, you are. But you already know that. Being told you're overthinking doesn't give you a way to stop—it just adds shame to the mix.
"Everything will be fine."Reassurance feels temporarily soothing, but it doesn't address the root of the worry. Your brain will just find a new "what if" to latch onto.
"You need to relax / calm down."Easier said than done when your nervous system is activated. This advice often makes people feel worse because now they're worried and failing at relaxing.
"Other people have it worse."Comparison doesn't reduce worry. It just adds guilt on top of anxiety.
These responses come from people who care about you, but they miss the point: excessive worry isn't a choice or a thinking error you can simply correct. It's a pattern—often rooted in your nervous system, past experiences, or learned beliefs—that needs a different approach.
What Actually Helps: The Worry Window Technique
If excessive worry is part of your daily experience, here's a technique that's grounded in evidence and actually works to interrupt the worry loop:
The Worry Window Technique
Constant worry keeps your brain in a state of hypervigilance. You're trying to solve problems that may never happen, which is exhausting and unproductive. The Worry Window technique doesn't eliminate worry (that's not realistic), but it contains it—so it's not hijacking your entire day.
How it works:
Schedule a specific "Worry Time" each day—ideally 10-15 minutes, at the same time daily. Choose a time that's not right before bed (you don't want to activate worry before sleep). Mid-afternoon or early evening often works well.
Throughout the day, when worries pop up, acknowledge them: "I see you. I'm worried about [X]. I'll think about this during my Worry Time." Then gently redirect your attention back to what you're doing. You might keep a small notepad or note on your phone to jot down worries as they arise so your brain knows they're "captured" and won't be forgotten.
During your designated Worry Time, sit down with your list and allow yourself to fully engage with the worries. Don't rush through them. Ask yourself:
Is this worry about something I can actually control or influence?
If yes: What's one action I can take?
If no: Can I accept that this is outside my control?
When Worry Time is over, consciously close it. You might say to yourself: "Worry Time is done for today. These thoughts can wait until tomorrow's session." Then transition into something grounding—a walk, a cup of tea, a few deep breaths, or an activity you enjoy.
Why this works:
Your brain learns that worry has a designated time and place. You're not suppressing it (which doesn't work long-term) or letting it run wild all day (which is exhausting). You're giving it structure.
Over time, many people find that:
The worries lose intensity when they're scheduled rather than intrusive
Some worries resolve themselves or feel less urgent by the time Worry Time arrives
They can more easily redirect their attention during the day because they know worry has its time
The simple act of postponing worry proves to their brain that they can influence when they engage with it
This won't solve every worry, but it can significantly reduce how much mental real estate worry takes up in your life.
When to Seek Additional Support
The Worry Window technique can be genuinely helpful. But if you're experiencing excessive worry that's significantly interfering with daily life—sleep, work, relationships, enjoyment—it might be time to consider therapeutic support.
Consider reaching out if:
Worry is present most days and difficult to control
It's affecting your sleep, physical health, or ability to function
You're avoiding important areas of your life because of worry
You feel constantly on edge or exhausted from the mental chatter
The techniques you've tried aren't making a meaningful difference
Therapy for worry and anxiety isn't about eliminating all worry (that's not realistic or even desirable). It's about understanding why your brain has learned to worry excessively, addressing the underlying patterns and beliefs, and building genuine capacity to tolerate uncertainty and discomfort.
If you've read this and recognised yourself in the descriptions of excessive worry, I want you to know: you're not broken.
Excessive worry is your brain trying to protect you from perceived threats, often based on past experiences or learned patterns. It makes sense that it's happening—and it can be addressed with the right support.
If you'd like to talk about how I might be able to support you, I'd be honored to hear from you.
You can fill in my enquiry form here and we can have an initial conversation about what's happening and how therapy might help.
