The Clocks Have Changed – So Why Is My Child Still not Sleeping?

Ah, the end of British Summer Time. That glorious moment when the clocks go back, the evenings get darker earlier, and parents across the UK collectively think: "Finally! Maybe this will help them settle at bedtime."

If you're reading this with a tired sigh because your child is still wide awake at 9pm despite the darker evenings, despite your best efforts, despite trying absolutely everything—I see you. And I want you to know: you're not alone, and you're not doing anything wrong.

As a child and teen therapist, I work with families navigating sleep struggles regularly. So let's talk about why the darker evenings don't always magically solve bedtime battles, what might actually be going on for your child, and—importantly—what you can do about it.

You've Already Tried All the "Right" Things for Better Sleep (Haven't You?)

Let's start here, because I know you have. You've probably implemented:

✅ A consistent bedtime routine ✅ No screens an hour before bed ✅ A calm, dark bedroom ✅ Warm baths ✅ Bedtime stories ✅ Lavender pillow spray ✅ Earlier dinners ✅ More physical activity during the day

And yet... your child is still lying there at 9pm, 10pm, sometimes later—eyes wide open, calling you back in repeatedly, or lying silently awake while you desperately hope this time they'll drift off.

Here's what I want you to hear: all that advice can help. But for some children, it's not enough. Not because you're doing it wrong, but because sleep struggles often aren't just about sleep hygiene. They're about what's happening in your child's mind and nervous system.

Sometimes you really can do everything "right" and still have a wide-awake child. That's not failure—that's information that something deeper is going on.

What's Really Keeping Your Child Awake?

When children struggle with sleep despite good routines, there's usually more going on beneath the surface. Here are some of the most common issues I see in my practice:

• Separation Anxiety

For some children, bedtime means being alone. And being alone—especially in the dark, in the quiet—can feel genuinely frightening.

They might worry: What if something happens to Mum or Dad while I'm asleep? What if I need them and they don't hear me? What if I wake up and they're not there?

This isn't attention-seeking. It's a real, physiological anxiety response that makes sleep feel unsafe.

• Worries and Anxious Thoughts

Perhaps your child's mind races at bedtime. They might be replaying their day, worrying about tomorrow, catastrophising about things that seem small to you but feel enormous to them.

"Did I upset my friend at lunch?" "What if I get the answer wrong in class tomorrow?" "What if the fire alarm goes off?"

When anxious thoughts take over, the brain simply won't allow sleep—it's too busy trying to problem-solve perceived threats.

• The "Good at School, Dysregulated at Home" Child

Here's something many parents don't realise: if your child has been holding it together all day at school—following rules, staying quiet, managing social pressures, suppressing big feelings—their nervous system may be so wound up by bedtime that it simply can't settle.

They've spent 6+ hours in "high alert" mode, and now that they're home (where it's safe to fall apart), their body is still buzzing. They're not choosing to be difficult at bedtime—they're genuinely too activated to sleep.

This is especially common in children who are naturally more sensitive, anxious, or neurodivergent. They give everything they have to "keeping it together" during the day, and by bedtime, there's nothing left—including the ability to self-regulate into sleep.

The Ripple Effect of Sleep Struggles

I know you already know this, but it's worth naming: when one child in the house isn't sleeping, nobody is sleeping.

For your child:Lack of sleep affects their mood, their ability to concentrate at school, their emotional regulation, their physical health, and their overall wellbeing. Tired children are more irritable, more prone to meltdowns, and less able to cope with everyday challenges.

For you as parents:Chronic sleep deprivation is exhausting. It affects your patience, your mental health, your relationship with your partner, and your ability to show up as the parent you want to be. The guilt and frustration of "why can't we just fix this?" can be overwhelming.

For siblings:If you have other children in the house, they might be disturbed by the bedtime struggles, or they might feel the tension and exhaustion that everyone's carrying. Sleep issues in one child really do affect the whole family system.

You're not being dramatic when you say this is impacting everything. It genuinely is.

One Science-Backed Tip to Try Tonight

Before we talk about deeper support, let me offer you one practical strategy that's grounded in nervous system science and genuinely helps many children.

The "Body Scan with Progressive Muscle Relaxation"

Here's why this works: when children are anxious or overstimulated, their muscles hold tension (often without them realising it). That physical tension sends signals to the brain that there's still a threat present, which keeps the nervous system activated and prevents sleep onset.

Progressive muscle relaxation teaches the body to release that tension, which signals to the brain: "We're safe. We can rest now."

How to do it (in parent-friendly steps):

1. Once your child is tucked in and the lights are low, sit with them and explain: "We're going to help your body feel really relaxed and heavy, like it's sinking into the bed."

2. Start at their toes: "Squeeze your toes really tight, like you're trying to pick up a pencil with them. Hold it... hold it... now let go. Feel how relaxed and soft they are now."

3. Move up through the body: feet, legs, tummy, hands, arms, shoulders, face. Each time: tense for 5 seconds, then release and notice the difference.

4. Finish with a few slow, deep breaths together: "Breathe in through your nose for four counts, then out through your mouth for six counts." (The longer exhale activates the parasympathetic nervous system—the "rest and digest" mode.)

5. Keep your voice calm, slow, and soothing throughout. You're modelling regulation for them.

   
   

Why this works:

When children physically release muscle tension and slow their breathing, it sends a direct message to their nervous system: "There's no threat. It's safe to sleep." This is bottom-up regulation (body to brain) rather than top-down (trying to think their way calm), which is far more effective for anxious or overstimulated children.

You won't see overnight miracles, but with consistent practice, many children start to associate this routine with settling, and their bodies begin to respond more quickly.

How I Can Help: CBT and Imagination Therapy for Sleep

If you've been trying everything—routines, relaxation, darker evenings, earlier bedtimes—and your child is still struggling night after night, it might be time to address what's happening at a deeper level.

I work with children and teenagers using CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and Imagination Therapy to get to the root of sleep difficulties—not just manage the symptoms.

Here's how we work together:

We start by understanding what's really keeping your child awake. Is it separation anxiety? Racing thoughts? A nervous system that's too activated from holding it together all day? Once we know the root cause, we can address it properly.

I help children rewrite the anxious thoughts that keep them awake at night—not by dismissing their fears, but by gently helping them see that their brain is trying to protect them from threats that aren't actually there.

We use nervous system calming techniques, breathwork, and body-based practices so children learn what "calm" actually feels like and how to get there themselves.

One of the tools I create is personalised sleep recordings tailored specifically to your child—using their name, their interests, addressing their specific worries. These guided relaxation or sleep story recordings help calm the nervous system and guide them gently toward sleep. Many children find these become an essential part of their bedtime routine.

Through imagination therapy, we create internal "safe spaces" your child can go to when they're feeling anxious—perhaps a cosy den, a peaceful beach, or floating on a cloud. We also use child-friendly mindfulness techniques: noticing sounds, focusing on breath, grounding in their senses. These are practical tools they can use in the moment when they're lying awake.

This can get better. With the right support, sleep issues in children and teens absolutely can improve. When we address what's actually keeping them awake—the anxiety, the nervous system dysregulation, the unhelpful thought patterns—rather than just focusing on bedtime routines, real change becomes possible.

Your child can learn to feel safe at bedtime. They can develop the tools to calm their own nervous system. And your family can get the rest you all desperately need.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If your child's sleep struggles are affecting their wellbeing, your mental health, or your family life, I'd love to talk about how therapy might help.

Fill in my enquiry form and let's have a conversation about what's happening for your child and how we might be able to support them (and you).

You don't have to keep doing this alone. Better sleep—for everyone—really is possible.